It’s curious. I spent a large portion of my life concerned with genius, art, philosophy, and many other high minded things. I still enjoy art, science (biology more than physics…a bit of a change), literature and poetry and religious studies. However, over time my concerns have become more down to earth. They are more spiritual too, I believe.
The Buddha once said that he taught only suffering and the end of suffering. It is this sort of teaching that I find the most moving now. The teachings that address our lives and how to make them better. In my spiritual studies now I look less for the ‘mystical experience’ of St. John of the Cross or Rumi. I would not reject these experiences should they happen but I am more concerned with the presence of spirituality in our everyday life.
I am not particularly interested in a spirituality that does not address human relations, emotions, and how we interact with the world here and now. As Thich Nhat Hanh often says, ‘The Kingdom of Heaven is here and now.’
I believe that being a husband and a father are spiritual in nature and can lead to enlightenment. I believe the proper care of our day to day lives can lead to wisdom, compassion, and understanding.
A few places you can further explore these ideas:
www.plumvillage.org
www.intermindful.com
Friday, June 29, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Letting Go
Little Hayden isn’t so little anymore. Just the other day we had to go through his closet and take out all the clothes that didn’t fit. It seems like we just put them in their and now they’re going into storage, waiting for the off chance that our next baby is a boy.
It was a bittersweet moment. I am so happy to see our little man growing up but at the same time it is a little heart breaking too. It is the most immediate example of the Buddhist concept of impermanence that I’ve ever experienced. Folding his clothes and realizing that one day he would be up and gone was hard to do. It brought home the realization that this baby, this wonderful little person that I helped create, isn’t really mine. He’s my baby but he’s not my baby. He’s under my care, he’s a treasure that I’ve been asked to look after. Where my relationship with Kara, my dear wife, is a perpetual growing together, my relationship with my son is going to be one of perpetual letting go.
Of course, I’m a little sad about this but what a miracle it really implies! Kara and I are playing a part in creating a person. What we do now is molding another living being’s life. We get to watch him grow and learn and experience the many wonders this world has to offer. It’s an enormous responsibility and privilege.
It really brings home the fact that there’s no time to waste. We need to give our love and attention to each other here and now. We can’t allow ourselves to become tangled up in trivialities. We might miss the best that life has to offer.
It was a bittersweet moment. I am so happy to see our little man growing up but at the same time it is a little heart breaking too. It is the most immediate example of the Buddhist concept of impermanence that I’ve ever experienced. Folding his clothes and realizing that one day he would be up and gone was hard to do. It brought home the realization that this baby, this wonderful little person that I helped create, isn’t really mine. He’s my baby but he’s not my baby. He’s under my care, he’s a treasure that I’ve been asked to look after. Where my relationship with Kara, my dear wife, is a perpetual growing together, my relationship with my son is going to be one of perpetual letting go.
Of course, I’m a little sad about this but what a miracle it really implies! Kara and I are playing a part in creating a person. What we do now is molding another living being’s life. We get to watch him grow and learn and experience the many wonders this world has to offer. It’s an enormous responsibility and privilege.
It really brings home the fact that there’s no time to waste. We need to give our love and attention to each other here and now. We can’t allow ourselves to become tangled up in trivialities. We might miss the best that life has to offer.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Missing Children
Madeleine McCann is possibly the most high profile missing child case
at the moment. I hope that she will be found and that the press surrounding
her case will lead to greater awareness in the effort to protect all children.
I would also like to take this opportunity to post an 'In Memoriam' to Katrina Nash
from Lacey, Washington.
Please Visit These Pages:
Find Madeleine: A site by Madenleine McCann's parents, devoted to finding her and returning her home:
http://www.findmadeleine.com/
National Center for Missing and Exploited Children:
http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PublicHomeServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US
The United Nations Children's Fund:
http://www.unicef.org/
Thursday, June 14, 2007
A Hole In the Heart
The day after my son was born the doctor gave us terrifying news. Our baby had a ventricular septal defect (VSD). That meant that our son had a ‘hole’ in his heart. The doctor tried to reassure us that it could be a small issue that would not affect him but they wanted to do testing on him and wanted to refer him to a cardiologist.
My wife, Kara, is a pre-school teacher and has several students who have had this problem so we at least had a little knowledge that it was not always a serious issue. Still, we were frightened and concerned for our new little miracle. When we arrived home we set up our appointment with the specialist and then tried to learn everything we could about the condition.
Our first reference was to our baby books. They both had exhaustive lists of common infant ailments as well as numerous conditions that may affect the baby. To our surprise none of our books had anything on a VSD. We knew from Kara’s experience that they were at least relatively common but there was nothing. So, we searched the internet. The American Heart Association provided some decent answers.
Here is what we learned:
A VSD is a small defect between the heart’s lower chambers. If it is a large hole then it can affect the heart because the blood pumped from one chamber highly oxygenated only to be pushed through the hole into the other chamber which pushes the blood back into the lungs. This re-oxygenates the blood instead of letting the blood that needs oxygen pass through to the lungs. This can cause stress on the heart because it has to work harder to oxygenate all the blood.
If the defect is large it may require surgery to be patched. The surgery, it seems, is highly affective with very few risks besides those generally associated with an invasive surgery.
For a small defect, like the one my son had, there is little affect on the child besides a murmur when the doctor listens to the heart. The VSD generally closes on its own within the first year and is never a problem again. However, there is some chance that a small hole will never close. The only problem that this presents is that when the child has to go to the dentist he will have to precede the visits with a treatment of antibiotics for the rest of his life to avoid infection.
When we finally did see the cardiologist she informed us that our son’s VSD was barely noticeable and would likely be gone before long. It would cause no long term issues and would not result in any kind of activity limitations as in many congenital heart defects. She even stated that he could be a professional football player if he wanted (clearly discounting the complete lack of athletic ability in both parents).
He will have to see a cardiologist for a while which can be difficult. Our son hates the equipment they have to use to do his tests (electrocardiogram and echocardiogram) but at least we know he’s going to be okay.
Here's the address for the American Heart Association: www.americanheart.org
My wife, Kara, is a pre-school teacher and has several students who have had this problem so we at least had a little knowledge that it was not always a serious issue. Still, we were frightened and concerned for our new little miracle. When we arrived home we set up our appointment with the specialist and then tried to learn everything we could about the condition.
Our first reference was to our baby books. They both had exhaustive lists of common infant ailments as well as numerous conditions that may affect the baby. To our surprise none of our books had anything on a VSD. We knew from Kara’s experience that they were at least relatively common but there was nothing. So, we searched the internet. The American Heart Association provided some decent answers.
Here is what we learned:
A VSD is a small defect between the heart’s lower chambers. If it is a large hole then it can affect the heart because the blood pumped from one chamber highly oxygenated only to be pushed through the hole into the other chamber which pushes the blood back into the lungs. This re-oxygenates the blood instead of letting the blood that needs oxygen pass through to the lungs. This can cause stress on the heart because it has to work harder to oxygenate all the blood.
If the defect is large it may require surgery to be patched. The surgery, it seems, is highly affective with very few risks besides those generally associated with an invasive surgery.
For a small defect, like the one my son had, there is little affect on the child besides a murmur when the doctor listens to the heart. The VSD generally closes on its own within the first year and is never a problem again. However, there is some chance that a small hole will never close. The only problem that this presents is that when the child has to go to the dentist he will have to precede the visits with a treatment of antibiotics for the rest of his life to avoid infection.
When we finally did see the cardiologist she informed us that our son’s VSD was barely noticeable and would likely be gone before long. It would cause no long term issues and would not result in any kind of activity limitations as in many congenital heart defects. She even stated that he could be a professional football player if he wanted (clearly discounting the complete lack of athletic ability in both parents).
He will have to see a cardiologist for a while which can be difficult. Our son hates the equipment they have to use to do his tests (electrocardiogram and echocardiogram) but at least we know he’s going to be okay.
Here's the address for the American Heart Association: www.americanheart.org
Thursday, June 7, 2007
Time Changes Everything
In my wildest dreams I never could have imagined my life would someday revolve around poop. It’s stunning when I stop and think about it. I used to spend my time discussing great works of literature and dream about writing the Great American Novel. I traveled around the world. Now, not so many years later, I am excited when my three month old son fills his diaper.
You see, my son has been constipated lately. This is not a particularly enticing subject but for a parent it matters. When my son can’t go it means he’s in physical pain. There’s nothing worse than watching him cry and not being able to do that much about it. So now, when he poops I’m happy. I feel like calling my friends and family to tell them the good news. It is such a monumental achievement that if I had my way they would broadcast it on the nine o’clock news. There’s nothing that can match knowing that your little one isn’t in pain and very little that can match the look of pure unadulterated satisfaction that comes across his face when he finally does go.
Of course, then the battle begins. I’m thrilled to see him go, but changing the diaper, well that’s a different matter. Don’t get me wrong. I do it. I would never relegate that work solely to my wife. She would kill me in my sleep if I tried. It’s just that my son likes to try and pee on me when I change his diaper. If he doesn’t do that then he manages to spit up while he’s on the changing table. Either way I end up covered in some kind of bodily fluid. So, naturally I bargain and beg my wife to take an extra turn. I’ll do two in a row next time. I promise. Come on honey please? Just this once? What do you mean I already owe you a couple? All, right fine.
So off I go, baby in hand, to find out what new surprise awaits me. Undoubtedly he’ll laugh as he soaks my shirt in some way I never expected. None of the precautions work. I could wear a hazmat suit and he would find its weak spot. The kicker is, I’ve never been happier.
Here’s a quick link to a good blog on fatherhood: http://www.familymanonline.com/
You see, my son has been constipated lately. This is not a particularly enticing subject but for a parent it matters. When my son can’t go it means he’s in physical pain. There’s nothing worse than watching him cry and not being able to do that much about it. So now, when he poops I’m happy. I feel like calling my friends and family to tell them the good news. It is such a monumental achievement that if I had my way they would broadcast it on the nine o’clock news. There’s nothing that can match knowing that your little one isn’t in pain and very little that can match the look of pure unadulterated satisfaction that comes across his face when he finally does go.
Of course, then the battle begins. I’m thrilled to see him go, but changing the diaper, well that’s a different matter. Don’t get me wrong. I do it. I would never relegate that work solely to my wife. She would kill me in my sleep if I tried. It’s just that my son likes to try and pee on me when I change his diaper. If he doesn’t do that then he manages to spit up while he’s on the changing table. Either way I end up covered in some kind of bodily fluid. So, naturally I bargain and beg my wife to take an extra turn. I’ll do two in a row next time. I promise. Come on honey please? Just this once? What do you mean I already owe you a couple? All, right fine.
So off I go, baby in hand, to find out what new surprise awaits me. Undoubtedly he’ll laugh as he soaks my shirt in some way I never expected. None of the precautions work. I could wear a hazmat suit and he would find its weak spot. The kicker is, I’ve never been happier.
Here’s a quick link to a good blog on fatherhood: http://www.familymanonline.com/
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