Time Changes Everything

In my wildest dreams I never could have imagined my life would someday revolve around poop. It’s stunning when I stop and think about it. I used to spend my time discussing great works of literature and dream about writing the Great American Novel. I traveled around the world. Now, not so many years later, I am excited when my three month old son fills his diaper.

You see, my son has been constipated lately. This is not a particularly enticing subject but for a parent it matters. When my son can’t go it means he’s in physical pain. There’s nothing worse than watching him cry and not being able to do that much about it. So now, when he poops I’m happy. I feel like calling my friends and family to tell them the good news. It is such a monumental achievement that if I had my way they would broadcast it on the nine o’clock news. There’s nothing that can match knowing that your little one isn’t in pain and very little that can match the look of pure unadulterated satisfaction that comes across his face when he finally does go.

Of course, then the battle begins. I’m thrilled to see him go, but changing the diaper, well that’s a different matter. Don’t get me wrong. I do it. I would never relegate that work solely to my wife. She would kill me in my sleep if I tried. It’s just that my son likes to try and pee on me when I change his diaper. If he doesn’t do that then he manages to spit up while he’s on the changing table. Either way I end up covered in some kind of bodily fluid. So, naturally I bargain and beg my wife to take an extra turn. I’ll do two in a row next time. I promise. Come on honey please? Just this once? What do you mean I already owe you a couple? All, right fine.

So off I go, baby in hand, to find out what new surprise awaits me. Undoubtedly he’ll laugh as he soaks my shirt in some way I never expected. None of the precautions work. I could wear a hazmat suit and he would find its weak spot. The kicker is, I’ve never been happier.

Here’s a quick link to a good blog on fatherhood: http://www.familymanonline.com/